She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No subtext here. People are naked.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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