I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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