I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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