very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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