I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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