easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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