thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Small penises have feelings too.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
