You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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