hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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