Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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