I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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