Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize