Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
