I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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