I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
