I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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