Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
