no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
