hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
