did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
