Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
