She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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