On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
