Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
