At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize