if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
