Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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