dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Holy shit dude........stairs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
