What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize