I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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