Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
