no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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