I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
