So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
