Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
