You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
