last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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