Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
