you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
