I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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