Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
