she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
