he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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