im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
