Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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