the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
