i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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