everyone is single if you try hard enough
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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