I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
