Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
