there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
