Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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