Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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