Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
