We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
