Whatcha textin bout Willis?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
