My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
