oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize