I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
