His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
