So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
