dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
"it" just moved
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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