omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
