fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
