I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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