I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize