I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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